Sunday, September 28, 2008

A Story of Giving and Compassion

I received this story in an email to our autism_bites@yahoo.com account.

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The Folded Napkin

I try not to be biased, but I had my doubts about hiring Stevie. His placement counselor assured me that he would be a good, reliable busboy. But I had never had a mentally handicapped employee and wasn't sure I wanted one. I wasn't sure how my customers would react to Stevie. He was short, a little dumpy with the smooth facial features and thick-tongued speech of Down’s Syndrome. I wasn't worried about most of my trucker customers because truckers don't generally care who buses tables as long as the meatloaf platter is good and the pies are homemade. The four-wheeler drivers were the ones who concerned me; the mouthy college kids traveling to school; the yuppie snobs who secretly polish their silverware with their napkins for fear of catching some dreaded "truck stop germ", the pairs of white-shirted business men on expense accounts who think every truck stop waitress wants to be flirted with. I knew those people would be uncomfortable around Stevie so I closely watched him for the first few weeks.

I shouldn't have worried. After the first week, Stevie had my staff wrapped around his stubby little finger, and within a month my truck regulars had adopted him as their official truck stop mascot. After that, I really didn't care what the rest of the customers thought of him. He was like a 21-year-old in blue jeans and Nike's, eager to laugh and eager to please, but fierce in his attention to his duties. Every salt and pepper shaker was exactly in its place, not a bread crumb or coffee spill was visible when Stevie got done with the table.

Our only problem was persuading him to wait to clean a table until after the customers were finished. He would hover in the background, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, scanning the dining room until a table was empty. Then he would scurry to the empty table and carefully bus dishes and glasses onto the cart and meticulously wipe the table up with a practiced flourish of his rag. If he thought a customer was watching, his brow would pucker with added concentration. He took pride in doing his job exactly right, and you had to love how hard he tried to please each and every person he met.

Over time, we learned that he lived with his mother, a widow who was disabled after repeated surgeries for cancer. They lived on their Social Security benefits in public housing two miles from the truck stop. Their social worker, who stopped to check on him every so often, admitted they had fallen between the cracks. Money was tight, and what I paid him was probably the difference between them being able to live together and Stevie being sent to a group home. That's why the restaurant was a gloomy place that morning last August, the first morning in three years that Stevie missed work.

He was at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester getting a new valve or something, put in his heart. His social worker said that people with Down’s Syndrome often have heart problems at an early age so this wasn't unexpected, and there was a good chance he would come through the surgery in good shape and be back at work in a few months.

A ripple of excitement ran through the staff later that morning when word came that he was out of surgery, in recovery, and doing fine. Frannie, the head waitress, let out a war hoop and did a little dance in the aisle when she heard the good news. Belle Ringer, one of our regular trucker customers, stared at the sight of this 50-year-old grandmother of four doing a victory shimmy beside his table. Frannie blushed, smoothed her apron and shot Belle Ringer a withering look.

He grinned. "OK, Frannie, what was that all about?" he asked.

"We just got word that Stevie is out of surgery and going to be okay."

"I was wondering where he was. I had a new joke to tell him. What was the surgery about?"

Frannie quickly told Belle Ringer and the other two drivers sitting at his booth about Stevie's surgery, then sighed: "Yeah, I'm glad he is going to be OK," she said. "But I don't know how he and his Mom are going to handle all the bills. From what I hear, they're barely getting by as it is." Belle Ringer nodded thoughtfully, and Frannie hurried off to wait on the rest of her tables.

Since I hadn't had time to round up a busboy to replace Stevie and really didn't want to replace him, the girls were busing their own tables that day until we decided what to do. After the morning rush, Frannie walked into my office. She had a couple of paper napkins in her hand and a funny look on her face.

"What's up?" I asked.

"I didn't get that table where Belle Ringer and his friends were sitting cleared off after they left, and Pony Pete and Tony Tipper were sitting there when I got back to clean it off," she said. "This was folded and tucked under a coffee cup." She handed the napkin to me, and three $20 bills fell onto my desk when I opened it. On the outside, in big, bold letters, was printed "Something For Stevie". Pony Pete asked me what that was all about," she said, "so I told him about Stevie and his Mom and everything, and Pete looked at Tony and Tony looked at Pete, and they ended up giving me this" She handed me another paper napkin that had "Something For Stevie" scrawled on its outside. Two $50 bills were tucked within its folds. Frannie looked at me with wet, shiny eyes, shook her head and said simply: "truckers."

That was three months ago. Today is Thanksgiving, the first day Stevie is supposed to be back to work. His placement worker said he's been counting the days until the doctor said he could work, and it didn't matter at all that it was a holiday. He called 10 times in the past week, making sure we knew he was coming, fearful that we had forgotten him or that his job was in jeopardy. I arranged to have his mother bring him to work. I then met them in the parking lot and invited them both to celebrate his day back. Stevie was thinner and paler, but couldn't stop grinning as he pushed through the doors and headed for the back room where his apron and busing cart were waiting.

"Hold up there, Stevie, not so fast," I said. I took him and his mother by their arms. "Work can wait for a minute. To celebrate you coming back, breakfast for you and your mother is on me!"

I led them toward a large corner booth at the rear of the room. I could feel and hear the rest of the staff following behind as we marched through the dining room. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw booth after booth of grinning truckers empty and join the procession. We stopped in front of the big table. Its surface was covered with coffee cups, saucers and dinner plates, all sitting slightly crooked on dozens of folded paper napkins.

"First thing you have to do, Stevie, is clean up this mess," I said. I tried to sound stern. Stevie looked at me, and then at his mother, then pulled out one of the napkins. It had "Something for Stevie" printed on the outside. As he picked it up, two $10 bills fell onto the table.

Stevie stared at the money, then at all the napkins peeking from beneath the tableware, each with his name printed or scrawled on it. I turned to his mother. "There's more than $10,000 in cash and checks on the table, all from truckers and trucking companies that heard about your problems. "Happy Thanksgiving."

Well, it got real noisy about that time, with everybody hollering and shouting, and there were a few tears, as well. But you know what's funny? While everybody else was busy shaking hands and hugging each other, Stevie, with a big, big smile on his face, was busy clearing all the cups and dishes from the table. Best worker I ever hired.

If you shed a tear, hug yourself, because you are a compassionate person.

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We’re not in as dire straits as this young man was, however, we continuously receive emails from ‘Parents of Autism’ that tell of stories similar to this one. Sure we’ve had a bit of struggles with our six and because of that we understand the need for the ‘AutismBites Foundation’ we have been attempting to create.

Please visit our website again, http://www.autismbites.com/. Read about what our hopes are for the Foundation on its page. Then if YOU are able, click the donate PayPal button. If you are not able, send the information to someone who may be able to help with a donation.


P.S. We've just started a family business where you will learn how to be rewarded for every online purchase you make:
https://www.marketamerica.com/6asdkids/index.cfm?action=main.wLogin

Thanks,
Dad

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Discovery Health Profiles the Inspiring Kirton Family in Autism x6

This is the press release from Discovery Health about our documentary.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Autism T-Shirt Contest Winner

I know... I know... the contest has been over for a week. AND, I've been wanting to put out a new post. But, that little thing called LIFE has been getting in the way. I'm still working on my 'business at home' website. Besides it being a new creation to earn us the moola for me to continue to stay at home; it will also be a vehicle to help Parents of Autism stay home if they choose. More about that later...

Anyway here is the winning story. There were some really good ones, sorry we couldn't send you all a shirt.

The story:

Wasn't sure where to send this, or even if this is a valid entry or not, but here goes.

We don't have an autism bites t-shirt, but GOODNESS I wish we did, so instead of telling you a story about when our t-shirt helped or hurt us the most, I will tell you about when we Wished to heaven we hadn't put it off to buy one.

My Name is Nicole ..., and I have 4 wonderful children, all of them special needs, but at this point only one has been diagnosed with an ASD, she is currently diagnosed with PDD NOS, with secondary OCD, but my sister who works in a school with autistic children every day says "get a second opinion" and so, slowly we are.

My Three year old, my angel, Keira is our youngest, and also our autistic child. given that she is also developmentally delayed, she is JUST hitting what for her are the terrible twos, which means (you guessed it) an increase in the meltdown tantrums that we have become so accustomed to. You know the ones, they sound like her world is coming to an end, that you just told her that her puppy was dead, and that her favourite blanky had been thrown in the trash, and that her favourite "baby" had been kidnapped by dingos, and that IF she could understand these statements coming from you, this is how you would expect her to react... Head thrown back, mouth open wide, starting with a heart wrenching cry that escalates into an ear piercing screech that would scare the dog away... if you hadn't just told her he was dead... then the body hits the floor, or anything in arms reach gets thrown, THEN she hits the floor... I am sure you know the meltdowns I am talking about.

So here we are, travelling from point A to point B, and we hear from Keira, who was non verbal 6 months ago, but who has made leaps and bounds in the past few months "I honry" (translation I'm Hungry) so we pull into a restaurant from one of those big chains, that are usually noisy enough as it is, so as not to be concerned that her excessive noise will disrupt other patrons. we walk in and you can hear the crickets chirping outside and down the block... there are three tables with people in them, and the bar upstairs sounds empty. UH OH, I think I hope we get fast service... when Keira wants something she is rarely patient about it, and it has gotten so, we know before we walk in what we are ordering her, so that we can order it WITH the drink order and have it there before anything else... welllllllll

the hostess seats us, and we put Keira into the highchair, and HERE starts meltdown number one, she yells she screams, the crayons fly, the coloring page goes the way of the wind her cutlery gets thrown and knocks over the salt and pepper, we offer her a dessert menu to have something to look at, and she throws it and beans my 5 year old in the head with it, who then starts crying of her own right because it hurt. the couple two tables down gets up and leaves after quickly receiving their bill for drinks only, and gives us a disgusted look on the way out...
This carries on for about 5 minutes, till Dad gets frustrated and goes outside with Keira until we at least have drinks, and maybe appetizers, something to keep her busy...

Another 5 minutes, still no waitress, no acknowledgement from ANY of the servers that we are even there. two more minutes thinks I as I ready myself to pack up my 5 year old and 10 year old and leave with dad to find a golden arches (the 16 year old wasn't with us that day)

Just as I give up, and tell the kids lets go, this fresh faced MAYBE 20 year old waitress comes rushing to the table...

"I'm so sorry" says she, "no one told me they sat my table" (again three other tables of patrons, we were hard to miss) " are we waiting for two more? or should I start with the drink orders?" she says indicating dad and Keiras chairs

"no," I reply calmly "my three year old autistic daughter (we don't bother trying to explain PDD NOS to people, they don't get it) was screaming and scaring away the customers so my husband decided to take her outside until we had food or something on the table, so she wouldn't disturb anyone else"

and the reply, TOTALLY baffling to my ears... "OH I heard the screaming, thought it was just some kid being bad, we get those ALL the time, I didn't realize it was my table though..." (it would help if you looked at your tables, I think but I don't say it out loud, because the statement would be wasted, so Instead I say)

"we're ready to order," and I order for all of us at once, SPECIFYING that the children's meals should come out first, so that dad and Keira can come back inside... but just as I say this, they come back in anyways...

10 minutes later, mine and dads meals come out, followed by the other two kids meals a few minutes later, with Keiras coming dead last (and all we ordered her was sliders) but somewhere in the middle of all the food orders, our waitress finds the time to come over and say to us, trying hard to be heard over the tantrumming child "awwww whats wrong sweetie? you look so sad!" and when Keira "ignores" her, she looks dad square in the face and says "is there any way to quite her down? the other customers keep looking over here, like she's bothering them"

"HOT DOG WE HAVE A WEINER" I think knowing full well that anything I say at this point will mean nothing to miss university, because she has no idea what autism is, or that the best we could do is just what we are doing, deep pressure stimulation, and talking to her calmly until she relaxes, so dad says instead (quite sarcastically I might add) "she cant cry and eat at the same time" (ok we all know she can, but I think he made his point) so she hurried away, and yet another couple walks by, looking disgustedly at us as our daughter screams her head off) and the waitress FINALLY returns with Keiras dinner... suddenly... silence

Dad and I finally turn to our cold dinners, and all I can think of is... wish I had one of those shirts
we will be ordering three as soon as possible... and we won't be going back to this particular outlet of this restaurant

Nicole

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We too have been in the same type of situation as Nicole. I'm sure that MANY of you have had similar fun outings. And that is the reason we came up with the AutismBites t-shirts in the first place. Life is sooooooooo much easier when they wear them.

Nicole will have one less t-shirt to buy now.

Dad

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Autism Family on Discover Health Channel

We now have a date (not the time yet) for the documentary about our family. We believe the title is: Autism X 6. It will be shown on October 1st. We have seen the films 'rough' cut and they have shown our family just the way we are. It's not always pretty, but many of you will relate quite well I'm sure.

It will be a good idea to have your friends, neighbors, family and church members watch so they can begin to have an idea what you go through each day. Thanks for your continued support.

John and Robin Kirton

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Back to Minnesota for a Wedding

Sorry guys, I've been pulling all nighters getting ready to put up a new business website. Not done yet however.

Then we've been doing a lot of running around getting the gang ready for school this next week. ALL of our pumpkins will be in school for the full day! We'll miss them, BUT we will sure be able to get a lot more done around the house.

Oh yeah, THE WEDDING... My oldest son, Ben and I made the trip alone. Robin stayed home and went crazy with the children.

The lovely bride is my sister's daughter, Deanne (you can see that see gets her looks from my side). Her soon to be husband, Tony.



This is me and my sister Sherri...



My sister-in-law said she had better not see any pictures of her, this is one of her daughter Shannon. Not sure who the other lady is (wink, wink). The other picture here is of my other cute little niece, Maria.


Then there was this young man I kept running into. He was always texting. I never really got a good look at his face because he was always looking down. But, I'd swear he looks a lot like my eldest son, Ben.





I gave my Mom one of our AutismBites t-shirts. Mom has always been one to tell you like it is, this shirt definitely reflects that.



The main reason we went was for Ben to finally meet his Grandmother 'in the flesh'. The wedding gave us a good excuse to make the four day there and back driving worth it.

Dad

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Thought We Disappeared?

Nope! We had out of town visitors, see their blog: http://bentonhouse.blogspot.com/ and I was away for almost a week for my nieces wedding in Minnesota. I'll blog soon about that and include pictures. Maybe even the ones my sister-in-law said she had better not see on any blog. Haaah!

Dad

Monday, August 4, 2008

We Are So Spoiled by David Letterman

I'm usually a Jay Leno viewer as opposed to David Letterman. I received this in an email today and hope that indeed he said this. If so, my respect for Mr. Letterman has jumped dramatically.

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David Letterman wrote this; it's the David we don't often see...

As most of you know I am not a President Bush fan, nor have I ever been, but this is not about Bush, it is about us, as Americans, and it seems to hit the mark.

The other day I was reading Newsweek magazine and came across some Poll data I found rather hard to believe. It must be true given the source, right? The Newsweek poll alleges that 67 percent of Americans are unhappy with the direction the country is headed and 69 percent of the country is unhappy with the performance of the President. In essence 2/3 of the citizenry just ain't happy and want a change. So being the knuckle dragger I am, I started thinking, 'What are we so unhappy about?''

A.. Is it that we have electricity and running water 24 hours a day, 7 Days a week?

B.. Is our unhappiness the result of having air conditioning in the summer and heating in the winter?

C.. Could it be that 95.4 percent of these unhappy folks have a job?

D.. Maybe it is the ability to walk into a grocery store at any time and see more food in moments than Darfur has seen in the last year?

E.. Maybe it is the ability to drive our cars and trucks from the Pacific Ocean to the Atlantic Ocean without having to present identification papers as we move through each state?

F.. Or possibly the hundreds of clean and safe motels we would find along the way that can provide temporary shelter?

G.. I guess having thousands of restaurants with varying cuisine from around the world is just not good enough either.

H. Or could it be that when we wreck our car, emergency workers show up and provide services to help all and even send a helicopter to take you to the hospital.

I.. Perhaps you are one of the 70 percent of Americans who own a home.

J.. You may be upset with knowing that in the unfortunate case of a fire, a group of trained firefighters will appear in moments and use top notch equipment to extinguish the flames, thus saving you, your family, and your belongings.

K.. Or if, while at home watching one of your many flat screen TVs, a burglar or prowler intrudes, an officer equipped with a gun and a bullet-proof vest will come to defend you and your family against attack or loss.

L.. This all in the backdrop of a neighborhood free of bombs or militias raping and pillaging the residents. Neighborhoods where 90% of teenagers own cell phones and computers.

M.. How about the complete religious, social and political freedoms we enjoy that are the envy of everyone in the world?

Maybe that is what has 67% of you folks unhappy.

Fact is, we are the largest group of ungrateful, spoiled brats the world has ever seen. No wonder the world loves the U.S. , yet has a great disdain for its citizens. They see us for what we are. The most blessed people in the world who do nothing but complain about what we don't have, and what we hate about the country instead of thanking the good Lord we live here.

I know, I know. What about the president who took us into war and has no plan to get us out? The president who has a measly 31 percent approval rating? Is this the same president who guided the nation in the dark days after 9/11? The president that cut taxes to bring an economy out of recession? Could this be the same guy who has been called every name in the book for succeeding in keeping all the spoiled ungrateful brats safe from terrorist attacks? The commander in chief of an all-volunteer army that is out there defending you and me?

Did you hear how bad the President is on the news or talk show? Did this news affect you so much, make you so unhappy you couldn't take a look around for yourself and see all the good things and be glad? Think about it......are you upset at the President because he actually caused you personal pain OR is it because the 'Media' told you he was failing to kiss your sorry ungrateful behind every day. Make no mistake about it.

The troops in Iraq and Afghanistan have volunteered to serve, and in many cases may have died for your freedom. There is currently no draft in this country. They didn't have to go. They are able to refuse to go and end up with either a ''general'' discharge, an 'other than honorable'' discharge or, worst case scenario, a ''dishonorable' ' discharge after a few days in the brig.

So why then the flat-out discontentment in the minds of 69 percent of Americans?

Say what you want but I blame it on the media. If it bleeds it leads and they specialize in bad news. Everybody will watch a car crash with blood and guts How many will watch kids selling lemonade at the corner? The media knows this and media outlets are for-profit corporations. They offer what sells, and when criticized, try to defend their actions by 'justifying' them in one way or another Just ask why they tried to allow a murderer like O.J. Simpson to write a book about how he didn't kill his wife, but if he did he would have done it this way......Insane!

Turn off the TV, burn Newsweek, and use the New York Times for the bottom of your bird cage. Then start being grateful for all we have as country. There is exponentially more good than bad. We are among the most blessed people on Earth and should thank God several times a day, or at least be thankful and appreciative.' 'With hurricanes, tornadoes, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, 'Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?'

David Letterman

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Dad